You Utter Knob!

A good mate of mine recently got absolutely fucking hammered and as what can only be described as an utter act of stupidity, decided to jump into the river Thames for a bet. What a knob I hear you say, yes indeed!
Number one: he nearly killed himself and number two: they admitted him into a psychiatric ward for his crazy moment! I laughed also!
Thing is, he's a sound geezer, gets on it, young, likes his music/women etc but he was just totally tanked up on potions and powders when he had this 'Jumanji' moment!

So, two days later and he's out. Pub time for a catch up and a piss take, naturally. "How was it then Hannibal?!" we joked. "Fucking awful" he said, "They thought I was some suicidal dick and the more I got annoyed the worse it made it, twats!" 4 pints later we're busting out one liners like "It's your round mate, don't jump in the beer though fella!" and "did they physically rape you for being such a nob!?" Boys banter, priceless.

Anyways, after his 'traumatic ordeal' and enough piss takes to make Alan Carr cream her knickers he produced an 'activity timetable' which was for the ward he was on. So we read through it and it was pure genius! Please let me now take you through some of my personal favorite activities on offer in this psycho ward along with my comments:


Group & Activity Timetable for ********** Ward 2010

Monday - 14:00/15:00 - Belly Dance Groups (females only)
"Sounds great. A load of paranoid women dancing around with bells attached to them. Should also do well for the self esteem of the bulimics in the group too!"

Wednesday - 13:30/14:30 - Nintendo WII Group
"Multi player for multi personality session woop! One guy sat with 4 controllers playing against himself, awesome!"

15:45 - 16:15 - Gardening.
"Do these places really have gardens with real gardening tools? I think it's probably some bucket&spades and a sandpit. Get involved you green fingered fuckers!"

Friday - 12:30/13:30 - Music Appreciation Group
"Great, Friday afternoon, lets get the manics down (not the band) and all sing along to Hallelujah. That's it, raise those spirits peeps!"

Saturday - 14:30/15:30 - Bingo
"Check you lot RIGHT out! I thought it couldn't get anymore crazier than the Nintendo group but you have officially out done yourselves! The thought of psychotic nut jobs with tourettes shouting out 'CUNT' instead of 'HOUSE' makes me want to be a bingo caller, officially!"

AT