I am not fond of dates, period. Any of my previous girlfriends will confirm that. It's not that I don't enjoy going out for food and drinks, because I do. I just don't get why the cliche thing to do is to wine and dine someone you hardly know in a wanky restaurant and pay out cash you could use for better things? "Tight arse" has sprung to mind, yeah? Bastards! I'm not tight I just figure there are better ways to grab a girls attention without the use of Merlot's and hors d'oeuvres: I'll explain.
I've been grooming a lovely Polish girl for some time now, around 4 months. No she's not 12 and yes, grooming was probably the wrong term to use. She's a little socialite within her own right, very petite/hot, always turning up at random parties I've graced to which we've flirted over the usual banter and got elegantly wasted through copious lines in the bathroom. Thing is, it never really progressed anywhere? She was just 'that girl' I occasionally bumped into. So out of the blue, I'm sat at home working out my wrists and eating shit out of packets when she pops up on Facebook, "Hey Ash, long time. What are you doing this Saturday? Fancy doing something?" FUCK YES I DO, YOU! (that wasn't my response)
17 hours later we're sat in a restaurant which I suggested near Oxford Circus and then it hits me: I fucking hate dates!!
Looking through the menu, commenting on food, wtf? "Oh, the sea bream sounds pretty nice" What am I saying, Jesus, I've turned into those pricks off Masterchef now. pah! The strangest thing is, she actually seems to be enjoying herself and me too for that matter? Maybe I do like dates now? I know one thing though, her tits look amazing in that dress! Yes please, boss!
A little after 120 minutes later I'm reluctantly paying the bill whilst she's checking her Blackberry and lip gloss situation. We then leave and she asks me, "did you leave a tip?" - "Yeah, of course babe". Did I fuck! I took ALL the mints, screwed up the receipt and whispered the word 'twats' as I left. Miser, eh!?!
We then headed down to my end of town, Shoreditch, for some drinks and a chance to meet her mate Leona who sounds soooo much fun, can't wait! Maybe I should just be brutally honest with Leona? "Hi, I'm Ash, I really want to fuck your friend this evening so I took her for food I didn't enjoy, in a restaurant I couldn't pronounce and drank wine I knew I could of got for a quarter of the price at Tesco's, still, it's lovely to meet you! Hopefully after I've finished banging your friend we could meet up?". Obviously I didn't, I have no balls, c'mon now kids :-p
So. Drinks/Leona the scream/partying/lines/some kissing/more banter/less drinks/licking the bag... head back to hers. Wow, she lives alone, that is impressive. And then BANG, she offers me a coffee. A fucking coffee? Is this some Polish thing? I naturally decline. And so did her face. Anything stronger? Viagra perhaps? We do eventually end up drinking some form of Polish Vodka though which, got us pretty trashed in a pretty quick fashion which resulted in a pretty nice 7 hour sex marathon with lots of utter wrongness and childishness.
So, was it worth it? For the sex, totally. Am I fond of girls who put out on the first date? Hmmm as a rule, no. They're good as fuck buddies and that's as far as it should go. In saying that though, if I think about it, 3 of my ex's were all cumming quicker than the Central Line on our first dates so maybe there is more to dating other than diving in head first after a few Mojito's? Tbc.
I've said some pretty dumb shit in my time and am renowned for my random sayings but I think I killed it after the marathon sex with: "mmm I wish I had of had the sea bream now thinking about it!" FAIL!!!
AT
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment