I fell in Love

What a weird and wonderful past-year it has been. I met so many beautiful people during my travels around Asia and more importantly, fell in Love with someone. Falling in Love is something I struggle with. It's nothing I find awkward, it's just that feeling of liberation & animated consciousness it takes you to. I'm wary of letting any girl into my heart because I (used to) feared that it would be savagely stamped on. So after much deliberation & fit sex, I sealed the deal so to speak. Labelled it. Characterized it on Facebook for the world to see and more importantly, I let myself fall in Love with my Girlfriend.

I have this quote or mantra, whatever, that I stick by and quote over and over again....And it's simply, "I don't have any regrets." And I didn't. Up until the moment I fell in Love with the South African girl with the smile that made me feel content. Having just come out of an intense chapter in my life whereby I spent months working on some issues I had created, mainly Cocaine abuse, I dived head first into the unknown; a relationship with someone I barely knew. But you know what? I fucking love stuff like that! That's how I live my life. That impulsive trait in me flourishes in those types of situations. 'just go with the flow'

The part in which I regret is naively thinking another being would be truthful about their feelings. I fell in Love with this girl not based on her looks, her popularity or sex appeal. I fell in Love with her because I saw a quality in her so deep that it took my breath away. It was her inner beauty. External beauty means nothing to me. Her free, joyous, serene, bright, peaceful, playful, courageous spirit touched me in a way like no other before. I felt drawn to her. A connection. And when that moment hits you in the face, you must simply embrace it and discover it for as long as you can. And that's exactly what I did. I just wished that I wasn't in such a fragile state of mind when we first met.

So, after almost 4 months of being single, I still wake each day and think about her before anything or anyone else. The attraction & admiration still lingers on and it can become painful some days as it's purely one sided. Nothing would make me happier than to be catapulted back into the beautiful dynamics of a relationship with the tenacious & truly beautiful being I once called my girl.

A short story now: 

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was strapped to a murky hospital bed, my veins pumped full of sedatives & for a fly on the wall the scene would have resembled that of a Stephen King film. My immature Love at that time said, 'I need you. I need you. I love you because I need you.' But as time prevailed & the silence echoed on, my Love for her grew and matured. And with that maturity now comes the following quote from the heart, 'I need you because I Love you.'

Ashton x