Them Chavs

I always remembered London as this cool ass city with market traders stood around haggling over fruit & flowers, "get'cha roses only 12 for 10 pound" you know, that sort of thing. Do we have those historic people gracing our streets anymore? No. You'd be lucky to find a someone who knew an old school trader let alone one themselves.

Chavs now rule the streets and they're as common as Jade Goody's legacy. Did you know around 80% of all street crime and burglary committed in London is by young Afro/Caribbean men. Does that make me prejudice towards Caribbean people? Towards the younger chavs, yes. Who do they think they are? The chavs I mean. I can't even understand the little -Foot Locker- prats, personally. "next mans coming like him big man or summink". Which means my darling... 'There's a man walking towards us and quite frankly he looks like he owns a bob or two!'. Can you imagine the mentality of these people? How the hell do they get normal jobs with such a slender grasp of the English language?

And they always say the most dumbest shit don't they, "see me yeah, I'm like human and that you get me, my bloods pumping bruv". Well, yes!! Otherwise you'd be dead you prick. And given the national statistics, you're not far off, blud :)

I don't think half of them are that stupid, I guess it's just a completely different way of life for them. The modern day chav is NOTHING to what it was when I was a kid. We were fucking posh in comparison!

These chavs take fairly complex and long words and mix them up whilst they speak. I'll explain:

"oh my days blud last nite was baaad, serious. I was like penetrating dis brare all night bruv u get me! I aint even about to like comprehend what it was.. Then her dad rolls in man oh-my-god! Man was pissed bruv! Me? I'm like contemplating bailing thru da window bluds... Big man almost broke my neck man, be like dat Stephen whats his face Hawkings guy ha ha! My situation was incomprehensible you get me!"

So that was just one example of yout's and their wicked words of wisdom! This type of slang is now everywhere. All across the nation you have kids of all backgrounds talking like they're from South London. Which they're not. Mum & Dad raising a child in the heart of rural Cambridge, only for their little prince to come back from a Dizzee Rascal concert talking like a twat. I'd shoot the the little bastard. In a very middle class way, of course my darling :)

The U.K is a fucked up place to live because we have problems like low-income families for e.g,(also known as chavs would you believe)countless other problems and also segregation. There are areas where whites feel unsafe to go and areas that blacks feel unsafe to go as well. Race means a lot in this country, so much so that extremist anti-integration parties like the BNP (white racist), Nation of Islam (black racist) and many others have a lot of power that they shouldn't have.

And who are at the bottom of this evolutionary ladder, waiting in line to join these parties? Fucking chavs! Being raised by bigger chavs. They even invented a tv show, giving them the freedom to talk about their poor little, benefit infested lives on National telly. Jezza Kyle you have brought so much in-direct comedy, daily, to the screens of millions! "NO! fing is Jeremy, I comes back from the pub wi my mate Baz and she's there with my Dad suckin im off"! Priceless.

Around Christmas, just gone, I fell over on Brixton High Street like a proper knobhead and famously did it in front of a group of chavvy chavs. Did they offer to lend a hand? Did they fuck. They just laughed and laughed and laughed with the same movement. And what is this movement thing they do when they laugh? They kind of bend over, stamp one foot repeatedly on the ground whilst slapping their knee's and spinning circles on themselves??! Is this cool? Can you imagine doing that at a comedy gig? They look like epileptic spastics! Yeah that's right, epileptic spastics that can't get jobs and probably never will. Or if they do they'll be handing out paper towels and sticks of gum in Fabric for the next 20 years. "freshen up" Fuck Off!

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